Is this the year the Cubs finally win another World Series? Chicago fans sure think so, but they’ve been thinking that since 1908. The Cubs should win the weak NL Central, but the Brewers could make them work for it. Fortunately for the rest of the division, Pittsburgh has already volunteered to come in last place. Thanks, Pirates.
1. Chicago Cubs
2007: 85-77, 1st place
2008 Projected: 87-75
Every professional sport needs that historically bad team that hasn’t won a championship forever. The Cubs winning the World Series would completely throw U.S. sports into a state of anarchy. What next? The Arizona Cardinals winning the Super Bowl?
The Cubs signed Japanese star Kosuke Fukudome to complement their big 3—Alfonso Soriano, Derrek Lee, and Aramis Ramirez. Felix Pie has been the Cubs’ can’t miss prospect for a couple seasons and he’s been penciled in as the Cubs’ starting CF.
Don’t you just love Carlos Zambrano? Me neither. He’s a good pitcher most of the time, but I don’t trust him in big games. With Ted Lilly and Jon Lieber as the next best starters on the team, the Cubbies better score a lot of runs this season
2. Milwaukee Brewers
2007: 83-79 2nd place
2008 Projected: 82-80
I love watching the sausage race in the bottom of the 6th inning when Brewer games are televised. If I owned the Brewers, I’d make Prince Fielder race the sausages every game. It may not fly now, but you could have totally slipped that into his contract when he was a rookie. Last season they added a new sausage to the race—Cinco the Chorizo. He even wears a sombrero! Pure genius, Bud Selig, pure genius. I now see why you are commissioner.
Along with Prince, the Brew Crew have some young talent worth paying attention to. Ryan Braun, J.J. Hardy, and Corey Hart have the potential to be household names (in the greater Milwaukee area) and they picked up Mike Cameron and Eric Gagne in the off-season to give them some veteran leadership. Cameron’s already shown the young guys how to make a red bull and amphetamine power shake while Gagne’s trying to rebuild his reputation after the Mitchell report disgrace.
3. Cincinnati Reds
2007: 72-90 5th place
2008 Projected: 75-87
The Reds, Astros, Cardinals, and Pirates are essentially the same team. They’re all considerably worse than Chicago and Milwaukee and probably slightly better than Pittsburgh.
Dusty Baker left his cozy ESPN job to manage the Reds? For you non-baseball fans, that’s like Angelina Jolie quitting her acting gig to become a drug mule. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for Angelina exploring new endeavors, but nobody should be forced to swallow heroin filled balloons…or manage the Reds.
Griffey Jr.’s as old as dirt, Adam Dunn hits the ball far but strikes out once every three at-bats, and once you get past Aaron Harrang, the pitching staff is in shambles.
It’s a good thing there are a lot of fantastic things to do and see in Cincinnati, because going to watch the Reds isn’t one of them.
4. Houston Astros
2007: 73-89
2008 Projected: 70-92
The Astros were busy this off-season, but being busy doesn’t necessarily mean improving this 4th placed team from a year ago. Miguel Tejada is a nice addition and with or without steroids he’s still an offensive force at a position that doesn’t usually carry a strong bat. Along with Lance Berkman and Carlos Lee, the ‘Stros have a decent 3-4-5 punch. But other than that, there isn’t much going on in Houston.
Perennial Cy Young candidate, Roy Oswalt, and newly acquired closer Jose Valverde are the only bright spots on an otherwise woeful pitching staff.
Second year outfielders Hunter Pence and Michael Bourn hope to make an impact, and for Houston’s sake, they better.
5. St. Louis Cardinals
2007: 78-84
2008 Projected: 70-92
It’s hard to believe this team won the World Series 17 months ago. It’s also hard to believe that manager, Tony LaRussa, still has a job. Though LaRussa is widely considered one of today’s best managers, if you take a closer look at his career, he’s quite overrated. His teams have won twelve division titles and two World Series (1989 Oakland A’s and 2006 Cardinals), but he was also blessed with some of the best talent in the league on those two teams. Names like Jose Canseco, Mark McGuire, Rickey Henderson, Dennis Eckersley, Dave Stewart, Albert Pujols, Chris Carpenter, Scott Rolen, etc. might ring a bell.
LaRussa will really earn his money this year if he can produce a competitive team. All-Star manimal Albert Pujols is the Cardinals offensive key and he looks very fragile with his nagging elbow problem that will most likely require surgery at some point. Trading Scott Rolen for Troy Glaus might bring more offense to the hot corner, but they’ll miss Rolen’s glove.
To put the Cardinals pitching staff in perspective, their best pitcher is center fielder Rick Ankiel.
6. Pittsburgh Pirates
2007: 68-94
2008 Projected: 70-92
Without looking, name one Pirate player other than Jason Bay. Sorry, Jason Kendall doesn’t play for them anymore.
This off-season, Pittsburgh brought in a new manager, new coaching staff, and a new general manager. Unfortunately for Pirate fans, it looks like a “meet the new boss, same as the old boss” situation. They did absolutely nothing during the winter to improve this team.
The good news is, they might be a year or two away from having the best starting pitching staff in the NL Central. Tom Gorzelanny and Ian Snell are the real deal and though lefties Paul Maholm and Zack Duke haven’t been able to put together a solid full season, this might be the year they turn the corner.
Offensively, Pittsburgh management has asked the league if Jason Bay can bat leadoff, 3rd, 5th, and 8th each game.
If you’re anything like me, you’re name is Matt Toomey and you totally lied about Cincinnati having fantastic things to do and see.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Hey Joe
The Hustle by Danny Russell
While lounging around after brunch on the patio I occasionally glanced up from the newspaper to the TV as the possible but unlikely Grapefruit League champion Los Angeles Dodgers were beating up on the real world champion Boston Red Sox. I watched the game with the volume muted (sorry Vinny) as L.A.’s new manager Joe Torre sat quietly in Holman Stadium’s breezy dugout trying to figure out just exactly who are these unfamiliar boys in blue. He scratched his head pondering how to create an identity for his hodgepodge team of misfits.
Last year they were a bit too young and a bit too old and their laid back skipper, Grady Little, was a little too much like the skipper… from Gilligan’s Island.
Lest we forget, their season ended in more confusion than an episode of Lost.The boob tube was muted because I was listening to a digitally remastered box set of the still futuristic sounding Jimi Hendrix Experience. Forty years later and his music still make the hair on my arms stand up with his soaring solos and magical riffs. I was engulfed in a purple haze when Jimi wailed, “So-uh, are you experienced? Have you ever been experienced-uh?”
That’s when it hit me – Experience. Jimi explained it all in song.
Experienced professional veterans. That’s who Joe will lean on early this season to send a message to his gaggle of talented young wanna be stars. Admittedly, some of the Dodger vets are long-in-the-tooth vagabonds but not so long ago they were decent professional ball players. Except now, in the twilight of their careers they're forced to listen to Joe not only because of his multi-championship past but because they really have no other choice.
Bad play or behavior will get you cut or traded lickety split in 2008. Trust me.
Unlike last year, when the team divided into factions between youngsters and vets, this season will carry severe consequences for such stupid behavior and selfish comments. The front office finally went out and hired a truly respected, capable manager who has the stature and knowledge to assemble the winning clubhouse needed to forge a championship attitude.
Now I would have preferred that Frank McCourt snatched up the effervescent Bobby Valentine from exile in Japan instead of Torre but that’s another column.
So, like every training camp in March 2008, hope springs eternal. Each and every team says, “this is our year,” but there’s something different going on down there in Dodgertown. Maybe it is a sign of the times because there’s real change in the air. This being the Dodgers last camp in Vero Beach is a part of it. And maybe even because of the groundbreaking and unprecedented presidential campaigns of Barack Hussein Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton there is a feeling of true renewal, actual change, and hope. Whatever the reason – it is real. And one thing that is for sure is that change is greatly needed in both the Whitehouse and in DodgerNation. The Dodgers are famous for making change, like when they integrated MLB with Jackie Robinson, and now they have to embrace change in order to break their twenty year championship drought.
The status quo isn't and wasn’t working.
Joe Torre suddenly became available during the off season and the Dodgers instantly gained a leader who commands respect, demands maximum effort from his players, and gets both. His resume alone is too damn impressive for any player to ignore. A guy like Jeff Kent, who can be a major league curmudgeon at times can still play ball in that old school Ty Cobb kind of way and is a good fit for Torre’s style. Also expect lovable but fragile Nomar Garciaparra and bloated question mark Andruw Jones to both give their best efforts for their new boss and have bounce back years. And expect a big trade or two by the 4th of July, especially if infamous hypochondriac Jason Schmidt doesn’t pan out. He’s been great in the past but he’s a head case. Dodger fans must rely on a miracle of modern medicine to repair his elbow and Torre’s best Dr. Phil imitation to save Schmidt’s fragile psyche.
General manager Ned Colletti has a lot riding on that big right arm too. He really rolled the dice on the former Giant ace and it’s not working out so far. I am very glad Colletti showed some patience and grande cohones by not trading away future all-stars Matt Kemp, James Loney, Russell Martin, or any other of their talented blue chippers like Andy LaRoche, Jason Repko, Andre Ethier, and Chad Billingsley. But, I suspect Repko or Ethier or both might be dealt away for a lefty. Especially if Andruw Jones proves to be sound and healthy.
Experience is what old Joe will lean on when the Dodgers begin playing real games this spring but his Dodger kids will be tested early because of nagging injuries. Kent and Garciaparra are banged up, heal slowly, and both remain creaky. As the season wears on into the dog days of summer Joe will depend and demand a lot out of Dodger youth, riding them hard so they'll be ready to perform into autumn when each pressurized game grows in importance. If you can remember all the way back to the mid 1990’s, Torre, a true hometown hero who had grown up in the Flatbush section of Brooklyn, led his first championship New York Yankee team with young, unproven talents like Derek Jeter, Bernie Williams, and Jorge Posada then leaned on vagabond vets in the fall like Jim Leyritz, Cecil Fielder, Paul O’Neill, and Luis Sojo.
Recently, the Dodgers brilliantly tapped into their most experienced and wisest baseball resource by incorporating the great Tommy Lasorda back into the clubhouse. I expect a great season at Chavez Ravine and can’t wait to see Joe Torre ask Tommy Lasorda for his input. We might even see Tommy sitting right next to Joe in the dugout offering a little of his experience ala Don Zimmer.
Jimi Hendrix was, is, and forever will be a mind blowing genius. I just didn’t know he was able to foresee the 2008 Dodgers return to glory by speaking for Joe Torre to me from the grave as they practiced under the Florida sun but apparently he can because I could hear Joe’s thoughts resonating in Jimi’s 40-year-old lyrics:
Get ready Dodger fans; this year promises to be a mind blowing experience. Summer 2008 is going to rock much like the late sixties did and so will the boys in blue.
While lounging around after brunch on the patio I occasionally glanced up from the newspaper to the TV as the possible but unlikely Grapefruit League champion Los Angeles Dodgers were beating up on the real world champion Boston Red Sox. I watched the game with the volume muted (sorry Vinny) as L.A.’s new manager Joe Torre sat quietly in Holman Stadium’s breezy dugout trying to figure out just exactly who are these unfamiliar boys in blue. He scratched his head pondering how to create an identity for his hodgepodge team of misfits.
Last year they were a bit too young and a bit too old and their laid back skipper, Grady Little, was a little too much like the skipper… from Gilligan’s Island.
Lest we forget, their season ended in more confusion than an episode of Lost.The boob tube was muted because I was listening to a digitally remastered box set of the still futuristic sounding Jimi Hendrix Experience. Forty years later and his music still make the hair on my arms stand up with his soaring solos and magical riffs. I was engulfed in a purple haze when Jimi wailed, “So-uh, are you experienced? Have you ever been experienced-uh?”
That’s when it hit me – Experience. Jimi explained it all in song.
Experienced professional veterans. That’s who Joe will lean on early this season to send a message to his gaggle of talented young wanna be stars. Admittedly, some of the Dodger vets are long-in-the-tooth vagabonds but not so long ago they were decent professional ball players. Except now, in the twilight of their careers they're forced to listen to Joe not only because of his multi-championship past but because they really have no other choice.
Bad play or behavior will get you cut or traded lickety split in 2008. Trust me.
Unlike last year, when the team divided into factions between youngsters and vets, this season will carry severe consequences for such stupid behavior and selfish comments. The front office finally went out and hired a truly respected, capable manager who has the stature and knowledge to assemble the winning clubhouse needed to forge a championship attitude.
Now I would have preferred that Frank McCourt snatched up the effervescent Bobby Valentine from exile in Japan instead of Torre but that’s another column.
So, like every training camp in March 2008, hope springs eternal. Each and every team says, “this is our year,” but there’s something different going on down there in Dodgertown. Maybe it is a sign of the times because there’s real change in the air. This being the Dodgers last camp in Vero Beach is a part of it. And maybe even because of the groundbreaking and unprecedented presidential campaigns of Barack Hussein Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton there is a feeling of true renewal, actual change, and hope. Whatever the reason – it is real. And one thing that is for sure is that change is greatly needed in both the Whitehouse and in DodgerNation. The Dodgers are famous for making change, like when they integrated MLB with Jackie Robinson, and now they have to embrace change in order to break their twenty year championship drought.
The status quo isn't and wasn’t working.
Joe Torre suddenly became available during the off season and the Dodgers instantly gained a leader who commands respect, demands maximum effort from his players, and gets both. His resume alone is too damn impressive for any player to ignore. A guy like Jeff Kent, who can be a major league curmudgeon at times can still play ball in that old school Ty Cobb kind of way and is a good fit for Torre’s style. Also expect lovable but fragile Nomar Garciaparra and bloated question mark Andruw Jones to both give their best efforts for their new boss and have bounce back years. And expect a big trade or two by the 4th of July, especially if infamous hypochondriac Jason Schmidt doesn’t pan out. He’s been great in the past but he’s a head case. Dodger fans must rely on a miracle of modern medicine to repair his elbow and Torre’s best Dr. Phil imitation to save Schmidt’s fragile psyche.
General manager Ned Colletti has a lot riding on that big right arm too. He really rolled the dice on the former Giant ace and it’s not working out so far. I am very glad Colletti showed some patience and grande cohones by not trading away future all-stars Matt Kemp, James Loney, Russell Martin, or any other of their talented blue chippers like Andy LaRoche, Jason Repko, Andre Ethier, and Chad Billingsley. But, I suspect Repko or Ethier or both might be dealt away for a lefty. Especially if Andruw Jones proves to be sound and healthy.
Experience is what old Joe will lean on when the Dodgers begin playing real games this spring but his Dodger kids will be tested early because of nagging injuries. Kent and Garciaparra are banged up, heal slowly, and both remain creaky. As the season wears on into the dog days of summer Joe will depend and demand a lot out of Dodger youth, riding them hard so they'll be ready to perform into autumn when each pressurized game grows in importance. If you can remember all the way back to the mid 1990’s, Torre, a true hometown hero who had grown up in the Flatbush section of Brooklyn, led his first championship New York Yankee team with young, unproven talents like Derek Jeter, Bernie Williams, and Jorge Posada then leaned on vagabond vets in the fall like Jim Leyritz, Cecil Fielder, Paul O’Neill, and Luis Sojo.
Recently, the Dodgers brilliantly tapped into their most experienced and wisest baseball resource by incorporating the great Tommy Lasorda back into the clubhouse. I expect a great season at Chavez Ravine and can’t wait to see Joe Torre ask Tommy Lasorda for his input. We might even see Tommy sitting right next to Joe in the dugout offering a little of his experience ala Don Zimmer.
Jimi Hendrix was, is, and forever will be a mind blowing genius. I just didn’t know he was able to foresee the 2008 Dodgers return to glory by speaking for Joe Torre to me from the grave as they practiced under the Florida sun but apparently he can because I could hear Joe’s thoughts resonating in Jimi’s 40-year-old lyrics:
So-uh, are you experienced?
Have you ever been experienced? (-uh)
Well, I have
Uh, let me prove it to you, yeah
Trumpets and violins I can-uh, hear in the distance
I think they’re callin' our name
Maybe now you can't hear them,
But you will, ha-ha, if you just
Take hold of my hand
Ohhh, but are you experienced?
Have you ever been experienced?
Have you ever been experienced? (-uh)
Well, I have
Uh, let me prove it to you, yeah
Trumpets and violins I can-uh, hear in the distance
I think they’re callin' our name
Maybe now you can't hear them,
But you will, ha-ha, if you just
Take hold of my hand
Ohhh, but are you experienced?
Have you ever been experienced?
Get ready Dodger fans; this year promises to be a mind blowing experience. Summer 2008 is going to rock much like the late sixties did and so will the boys in blue.
So, have you ever been experienced?
Indeed.
Thanks for reading the Hustle and remember... give peace a chance.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
NL East Preview
Last September, the Mets pulled of one of the greatest collapses in baseball history—losing 12 of their last 17 games and blowing a 7 game lead with three weeks to go in the season.
The NL East should be a tight race again this season, and though the Mets are the pre-season favorites, they should have fierce competition from Atlanta and Philly. If Florida or Washington wins the division I vow to get “Timberlake’s Bitch” tattooed on my forehead.
1. New York Mets
2007: 88-74, 2nd place
2008 Projected: 92-70
One pitcher won’t carry a team, but if Johan Santana was a Met last season, you can bet your big apple the Mets would have turned one of those twelve losses into a victory and an NL East crown.
When healthy, the Mets will have one of the best pitching staffs in the NL. But Pedro Martinez and Orlando Hernandez are fragile old men who will be lucky to have 35 starts between them. So, as a collective unit I will call them Orpedro.
Along with Santana and Orpedro, the Mets have quality starters in John Maine and Oliver Perez. Perez finally showed some consistency last season and the Mets are hoping Maine can do the same this year after having a superb first half in 2007.
Though both are former All-Stars, Carlos Delgado and Luis Castillo have seen better days and make up the oldest starting 1B/2B tandem in the NL. On the other side of the infield, David Wright and Jose Reyes are budding superstars.
With Carlos Beltran roaming centerfield, it won’t matter what two scrubs are in the corner spots. The scrubs of choice appear to be Moises Alou and Ryan Church. Alou will miss half the season with various injuries that can’t be cured by urinating on one’s hands, and Church is the Mets x-factor. He’s still young and has the potential to be a 25HR/90RBI type player. Look for the Mets to poach an outfielder in mid-season from a struggling team like Pittsburgh or Kansas City.
2. Philadelphia Phillies
2007: 89-73, 1st place
2008 Projected: 87-75
The Phillies big off-season transactions were signing 3B Pedro Feliz and RF Geoff Jenkins, which is exactly why they won’t win the NL East. Their 13th ranked pitching staff from a year ago has more holes than a Tijuana donkey show and should have been goal #1 to upgrade over the winter. Cole Hamels, Bret Myers, and the ageless wonder Jamie Moyer will have to carry the starting staff which could be tough if Moyer decides to start collecting Social Security.
Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, and Jimmy Rollins give the Phillies the best infield in baseball, but they’re going to need a lot more offensive help from the likes of Pat Burrell, Feliz, and Jenkins if they hope to compete with the Mets and the Braves.
3. Atlanta Braves
2007: 84-78, 3rd place
2008 Projected: 86-74
Eleven straight NL East titles from 1995 to 2005 made the Braves the class of the National League. With a little luck this season, they could give the Mets a run for their money. John Smoltz, Tim Hudson, and Tom Glavine are consistent, proven winners and should carry a staff that might include the return of Mike Hampton. Hampton, in case you didn’t know, has been paid $30 million over the past two seasons to not pitch an inning. I, on the other hand, have been paid $0 to not pitch an inning.
The Braves took a big hit when 5 time All-Star Andruw Jones signed with the Dodgers, but they brought in Mark Kotsay to fill some of that void. That puts the bulk of the offensive load on Mark Teixeira, Chipper Jones, and budding stars Jeff Francoeur and catcher Brian McCann.
4. Florida Marlins
2007: 71-91, 5th place
2008 Projected: 78-84
The one thing the Marlins have going for them is they play the Nationals 18 times. For real baseball fans in Miami (all seven of you), it could be a fun season to watch the young talent they’ve stockpiled over the past couple years.
Hanley Ramirez and Dan Uggla might be the only two names you recognize in the starting line-up but the Marlins definitely have some future stars who’ll they’ll trade away in 4 years for more prospects.
One name to watch for is Andrew Miller, the first round draft pick the Tigers gave up in the Cabrera/Willis trade. Miller was the centerpiece of that trade for the Marlins and is being rushed into Majors after less than two years in the minors.
5. Washington Nationals
2007: 73-89, 4th place
2008 Projected: 68-94
If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Ok…I can’t resist.
With the exception of Ryan Zimmerman, the Nationals are stocked full of has-beens, almost something’s, and never will be’s. Outfielders Lastings Milledge and Elijah Dukes, both top prospects a couple years ago for the Mets and Devil Rays respectively, are looking for a fresh start with the Nationals this season. Both are talented but come with a truckload full of baggage.
If you recognize more than two names on Washington’s starting pitching staff then you probably work for the Nationals. They’re holding open tryouts to the public on Saturday. See you there.
If you’re anything like me, you’re name is Matt Toomey and you picked Cal State Fullerton to go to the Final Four in your NCAA Tournament bracket.
The NL East should be a tight race again this season, and though the Mets are the pre-season favorites, they should have fierce competition from Atlanta and Philly. If Florida or Washington wins the division I vow to get “Timberlake’s Bitch” tattooed on my forehead.
1. New York Mets
2007: 88-74, 2nd place
2008 Projected: 92-70
One pitcher won’t carry a team, but if Johan Santana was a Met last season, you can bet your big apple the Mets would have turned one of those twelve losses into a victory and an NL East crown.
When healthy, the Mets will have one of the best pitching staffs in the NL. But Pedro Martinez and Orlando Hernandez are fragile old men who will be lucky to have 35 starts between them. So, as a collective unit I will call them Orpedro.
Along with Santana and Orpedro, the Mets have quality starters in John Maine and Oliver Perez. Perez finally showed some consistency last season and the Mets are hoping Maine can do the same this year after having a superb first half in 2007.
Though both are former All-Stars, Carlos Delgado and Luis Castillo have seen better days and make up the oldest starting 1B/2B tandem in the NL. On the other side of the infield, David Wright and Jose Reyes are budding superstars.
With Carlos Beltran roaming centerfield, it won’t matter what two scrubs are in the corner spots. The scrubs of choice appear to be Moises Alou and Ryan Church. Alou will miss half the season with various injuries that can’t be cured by urinating on one’s hands, and Church is the Mets x-factor. He’s still young and has the potential to be a 25HR/90RBI type player. Look for the Mets to poach an outfielder in mid-season from a struggling team like Pittsburgh or Kansas City.
2. Philadelphia Phillies
2007: 89-73, 1st place
2008 Projected: 87-75
The Phillies big off-season transactions were signing 3B Pedro Feliz and RF Geoff Jenkins, which is exactly why they won’t win the NL East. Their 13th ranked pitching staff from a year ago has more holes than a Tijuana donkey show and should have been goal #1 to upgrade over the winter. Cole Hamels, Bret Myers, and the ageless wonder Jamie Moyer will have to carry the starting staff which could be tough if Moyer decides to start collecting Social Security.
Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, and Jimmy Rollins give the Phillies the best infield in baseball, but they’re going to need a lot more offensive help from the likes of Pat Burrell, Feliz, and Jenkins if they hope to compete with the Mets and the Braves.
3. Atlanta Braves
2007: 84-78, 3rd place
2008 Projected: 86-74
Eleven straight NL East titles from 1995 to 2005 made the Braves the class of the National League. With a little luck this season, they could give the Mets a run for their money. John Smoltz, Tim Hudson, and Tom Glavine are consistent, proven winners and should carry a staff that might include the return of Mike Hampton. Hampton, in case you didn’t know, has been paid $30 million over the past two seasons to not pitch an inning. I, on the other hand, have been paid $0 to not pitch an inning.
The Braves took a big hit when 5 time All-Star Andruw Jones signed with the Dodgers, but they brought in Mark Kotsay to fill some of that void. That puts the bulk of the offensive load on Mark Teixeira, Chipper Jones, and budding stars Jeff Francoeur and catcher Brian McCann.
4. Florida Marlins
2007: 71-91, 5th place
2008 Projected: 78-84
The one thing the Marlins have going for them is they play the Nationals 18 times. For real baseball fans in Miami (all seven of you), it could be a fun season to watch the young talent they’ve stockpiled over the past couple years.
Hanley Ramirez and Dan Uggla might be the only two names you recognize in the starting line-up but the Marlins definitely have some future stars who’ll they’ll trade away in 4 years for more prospects.
One name to watch for is Andrew Miller, the first round draft pick the Tigers gave up in the Cabrera/Willis trade. Miller was the centerpiece of that trade for the Marlins and is being rushed into Majors after less than two years in the minors.
5. Washington Nationals
2007: 73-89, 4th place
2008 Projected: 68-94
If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Ok…I can’t resist.
With the exception of Ryan Zimmerman, the Nationals are stocked full of has-beens, almost something’s, and never will be’s. Outfielders Lastings Milledge and Elijah Dukes, both top prospects a couple years ago for the Mets and Devil Rays respectively, are looking for a fresh start with the Nationals this season. Both are talented but come with a truckload full of baggage.
If you recognize more than two names on Washington’s starting pitching staff then you probably work for the Nationals. They’re holding open tryouts to the public on Saturday. See you there.
If you’re anything like me, you’re name is Matt Toomey and you picked Cal State Fullerton to go to the Final Four in your NCAA Tournament bracket.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Happy 50th Anniversary Los Angeles Dodgers
Oh, and happy 20th anniversary since the last World Series.
Don’t get me wrong, the past 49 years really have been fun. Or at least most of the last 34 years that I can speak of. Making the trip from wherever I am calling home to beautiful Chavez Ravine has never failed to show me a good time. I can say that I was a part of some truly magical baseball moments. There was Kirk Gibson’s miraculous homerun in the ’88 World Series. There was the unbelievable four consecutive homeruns the Dodgers hit in the ninth inning to tie the game and eventually win it in extra innings two years ago. There was the three hit shutout that Jose Lima threw against the eventual champs, the St. Louis Cardinals, for the first post season win since 1988 (a truly magical scene). And how can we forget Fernando-mania. These are memory’s I will never forget. And I am sure there will be more. But here we are at our 20th year from the last World Series, and they have one (1) playoff win since. That is unacceptable. Heck, the Florida Marlins have somehow found a way to win two World Series titles and it seems like every other year they are trying to lose.
The hiatus from the World Series has not kept me from the ole ball park though, as I will undoubtedly continue to make the trip as long as they stay competitive. There is no doubt, however, that I am getting a little anxious.
The thing for me, and most Dodger fans, is that even if they stay mediocre or a little above average, I am still going to show up and cheer them on. But that’s just it. Just good enough to be competitive seems to be enough for us Dodger fans. We have shown up in droves each year in hopes of a significant run, just to see it end in disappointment. The Dodgers have been second to the Yankees in attendance for the past four years. In that time the Yankees have 10 postseason wins. The Dodgers have one. The Dodgers are always among the top revenue generators. Yet they haven’t been able to land any of the marquee free agents. That translates into 19 years of baseball without even coming close to the World Series. So, if you want to talk about the bottom line as a business, then the Dodgers are successful. But if you want to talk about the bottom line as a premier baseball team, they are not. They should be both.
I know this is not at the level of the old Red Sox or current Cubs slumps where a curse had to be blamed, but this is L.A. and 20 years is a long time. So, as one of the biggest markets in the league with a city full of loyal fans, I think we deserve more.
Don’t get me wrong, the past 49 years really have been fun. Or at least most of the last 34 years that I can speak of. Making the trip from wherever I am calling home to beautiful Chavez Ravine has never failed to show me a good time. I can say that I was a part of some truly magical baseball moments. There was Kirk Gibson’s miraculous homerun in the ’88 World Series. There was the unbelievable four consecutive homeruns the Dodgers hit in the ninth inning to tie the game and eventually win it in extra innings two years ago. There was the three hit shutout that Jose Lima threw against the eventual champs, the St. Louis Cardinals, for the first post season win since 1988 (a truly magical scene). And how can we forget Fernando-mania. These are memory’s I will never forget. And I am sure there will be more. But here we are at our 20th year from the last World Series, and they have one (1) playoff win since. That is unacceptable. Heck, the Florida Marlins have somehow found a way to win two World Series titles and it seems like every other year they are trying to lose.
The hiatus from the World Series has not kept me from the ole ball park though, as I will undoubtedly continue to make the trip as long as they stay competitive. There is no doubt, however, that I am getting a little anxious.
The thing for me, and most Dodger fans, is that even if they stay mediocre or a little above average, I am still going to show up and cheer them on. But that’s just it. Just good enough to be competitive seems to be enough for us Dodger fans. We have shown up in droves each year in hopes of a significant run, just to see it end in disappointment. The Dodgers have been second to the Yankees in attendance for the past four years. In that time the Yankees have 10 postseason wins. The Dodgers have one. The Dodgers are always among the top revenue generators. Yet they haven’t been able to land any of the marquee free agents. That translates into 19 years of baseball without even coming close to the World Series. So, if you want to talk about the bottom line as a business, then the Dodgers are successful. But if you want to talk about the bottom line as a premier baseball team, they are not. They should be both.
I know this is not at the level of the old Red Sox or current Cubs slumps where a curse had to be blamed, but this is L.A. and 20 years is a long time. So, as one of the biggest markets in the league with a city full of loyal fans, I think we deserve more.
The Case for Mike Morse
Mike Morse has been one of the most pleasant surprises for the Mariners this spring, hitting .581 with 2 home runs and 10 RBI. Despite this offensive explosion, though, he has virtually no chance of being named our starting first baseman. It's true that Morse has had only 31 at-bats and that its just spring training, which is often not a good indicator of how a player's season will go. But even so, his numbers so far this spring are absurd. Richie Sexson would have to triple his average for it to even approach .581.
Even disregarding Morse's incredible spring, he has managed to hit .302 in 291 big league at-bats over the past three seasons. His career statistics suggest that he is capable of performing much better in the big leagues than Richie Sexson did during 2007. His on-base percentage is low, but at .365 it still beats both Sexson's 2007 and career OBP, by 70 points and 20 points respectively. While many Richie fans argue that his power makes up for his low batting average and on-base percentage, his slugging percentage from last season exactly matches Morse's career mark at .399. In 2007, Sexson did drive in a run once every 6.8 at-bats, slightly higher than Morse's career average of an RBI every 7.8 at-bats. Over a full season of 600 at-bats, though, that's only a difference of 12 RBI. Morse more than makes up for this loss with a career batting average that is 97 points higher than the .205 Richie batted in 2007.
In addition to being a productive hitter for the Mariners, Morse has improved his performance each time he has been called up:
Year BA/OBP/SLG3w
2005 .278/.349/.370
2006 .372/.396/.488
2007 .444/.500/.556
2008 .581/.658/.903
The Mariners wouldn't lose anything defensively by getting rid of Sexson either. According to John Dewan's Plus/Minus System, which ranks players according to which defensive plays they made in comparison to their counterparts on other teams, Richie tied with Prince Fielder for being the third-worst first baseman in baseball last season. The year was pretty typical of Richie's defense, as his 2005-2007 plus/minus score was -25, which ties him for fourth-worst in either league. While we don't know how Morse will perform defensively over a full season, it is unlikely that he would end up being one of the bottom five defensive first baseman in baseball, especially considering he's never made an error as a Mariner at any position other than shortstop. Another defensive advantage of inserting Morse in the lineup is his versatility; he is capable of playing shortstop, third base, left field, or right field in addition to first base. This is in contrast to Richie Sexson, who can play first base and DH... if you want your DH hitting .205.
Despite all this, the Mariners are not even considering adding Morse to their starting lineup. In fact, he is not even guaranteed a spot on their bench. Morse is out of options this season, and if he's sent back to Tacoma the Mariners won't be assured they can keep him. It would be a shame to lose a talented and versatile young player who could become one of the cornerstones of the team's future because the Mariners are unwilling to part with aging former sluggers like Sexson and Brad Wilkerson.
I realize that Sexson is an expensive player to bench, and it is highly unlikely that the management would ever agree to it. Maybe Richie can have a comeback season, returning to his 2005-2006 form and hitting .260 with 30 home runs and 100 RBI. But if he keeps struggling to keep his average above the Mendoza Line this season, the Mariners are going to have to consider replacing him at some point. And when they do, I hope they'll consider the young man with the .581 batting average.
Even disregarding Morse's incredible spring, he has managed to hit .302 in 291 big league at-bats over the past three seasons. His career statistics suggest that he is capable of performing much better in the big leagues than Richie Sexson did during 2007. His on-base percentage is low, but at .365 it still beats both Sexson's 2007 and career OBP, by 70 points and 20 points respectively. While many Richie fans argue that his power makes up for his low batting average and on-base percentage, his slugging percentage from last season exactly matches Morse's career mark at .399. In 2007, Sexson did drive in a run once every 6.8 at-bats, slightly higher than Morse's career average of an RBI every 7.8 at-bats. Over a full season of 600 at-bats, though, that's only a difference of 12 RBI. Morse more than makes up for this loss with a career batting average that is 97 points higher than the .205 Richie batted in 2007.
In addition to being a productive hitter for the Mariners, Morse has improved his performance each time he has been called up:
Year BA/OBP/SLG3w
2005 .278/.349/.370
2006 .372/.396/.488
2007 .444/.500/.556
2008 .581/.658/.903
The Mariners wouldn't lose anything defensively by getting rid of Sexson either. According to John Dewan's Plus/Minus System, which ranks players according to which defensive plays they made in comparison to their counterparts on other teams, Richie tied with Prince Fielder for being the third-worst first baseman in baseball last season. The year was pretty typical of Richie's defense, as his 2005-2007 plus/minus score was -25, which ties him for fourth-worst in either league. While we don't know how Morse will perform defensively over a full season, it is unlikely that he would end up being one of the bottom five defensive first baseman in baseball, especially considering he's never made an error as a Mariner at any position other than shortstop. Another defensive advantage of inserting Morse in the lineup is his versatility; he is capable of playing shortstop, third base, left field, or right field in addition to first base. This is in contrast to Richie Sexson, who can play first base and DH... if you want your DH hitting .205.
Despite all this, the Mariners are not even considering adding Morse to their starting lineup. In fact, he is not even guaranteed a spot on their bench. Morse is out of options this season, and if he's sent back to Tacoma the Mariners won't be assured they can keep him. It would be a shame to lose a talented and versatile young player who could become one of the cornerstones of the team's future because the Mariners are unwilling to part with aging former sluggers like Sexson and Brad Wilkerson.
I realize that Sexson is an expensive player to bench, and it is highly unlikely that the management would ever agree to it. Maybe Richie can have a comeback season, returning to his 2005-2006 form and hitting .260 with 30 home runs and 100 RBI. But if he keeps struggling to keep his average above the Mendoza Line this season, the Mariners are going to have to consider replacing him at some point. And when they do, I hope they'll consider the young man with the .581 batting average.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Ranking The Left Coast
With recent successes and big off season moves, east coast teams like the Mets, Red Sox, Yankees, and Phillies continue to be darlings of the media when it comes to press coverage, nationally televised games, and SportsCenter highlights. But there’s 26 other teams in MLB, and some of the best reside on the west coast. Though we’ll be doing pre-season divisional analysis here at thewestbias.com in the coming weeks, here’s a quick ranking of the teams on the west coast.
1. The Los Angeles Angles of Anaheim, Pomona, Laguna Beach and western Riverside County. I didn’t make that up, the Angels are expanding their hostile takeover beyond the friendly streets of Anaheim. Season ticket holders can vouch for me.
The Angels are the team to beat in the AL West. Did they overpay for Tori Hunter? Of course, but at least they didn’t overpay for Juan Pierre. Their starting staff is solid with Jon Garland, Kelvim “Don’t call me Pablo” Escobar, John Lackey, and Jared “Call me Jeff and I’ll kill you’re first born” Weaver.
Offensively, they should be fine, though with the addition of Hunter, they have a surplus of outfielders. Since Garret Anderson is old and past his prime, the Giants will probably trade for him and sign him to a long term extension.
2. The Los Angeles Dodgers. I had a dream the other night that the Dodgers traded Juan Pierre for a bag of granola. Unfortunately it was only a dream.
If Juan Pierre would miraculously disappear, the Dodgers are the best team in the National League. Bold statement, I know, but L.A. already has three solid outfielders in Andruw Jones, Andre Ethier, and future MVP Matt Kemp. The problem is, Pierre is in the second year of a 5 year/$44 million contract which makes him virtually untradable and a tough pill to swallow for Dodger management if Torre sits him on the bench.
The complaints about Pierre are well-known: he doesn’t walk, can’t hit, throws like a girl, and drops a lot of fly balls. Other than that he was a steal for $44 million. The DailyNews mentioned he has an incredible work ethic and is a really nice guy. So is my gardener, but I don’t want him playing left field for the Dodgers either.
3. San Diego Padres. The Padres, like the Dodgers, could be very dangerous in the crowded NL West. But just like L.A., they have a lot of question marks. The signing of Mark Prior, Randy Wolf, and Jim Edmonds could payoff big if they stay healthy. But that’s a big if since in recent years they’ve all been about as healthy as an asthmatic child with polio.
What the Pads definitely have going for them are rising stars Adrian Gonzales, Kevin Kouzmanoff, and Khalil Greene--as well as consistent arms Chris Young, Greg Maddux, and the best pitcher in baseball not named Johan, Jake Peavy.
4. Seattle Mariners: On paper, Seattle should compete with the Angels. A year ago they had the 10th ranked pitching staff in the AL and that should greatly improve with the off-season pick-ups of Erik Bedard and Carlos Silva. Plus, Jeff Weaver won’t be throwing batting practice to opposing teams anymore. Offensively, they didn’t improve themselves this Winter, but if Richie Sexson can hit his weight…well, he’d still be only be hitting .237. But that’s 32 points higher than last year and he should regain his power stroke this season.
5. Oakland A’s: Billy Beane gets more bang for his buck than any other GM out there—and I’m not just talking about the ho’s in the 510. But, as with last year, the A’s are still in rebuilding mode which they hope to turn into full-on domination mode by the time their new stadium is built.
If Rich Harden stays off the DL, they have a pretty good one-two punch in him and Joe Blanton, but after that it’s slim pickin’s. I hear Jeff Weaver is still available. My guess is they’ll trade Blanton by mid-season for a couple of good prospects and continue the rebuilding process.
As usual the A’s picked up a couple former all-stars from the scrapheap for dirt cheap—Mike Sweeney and Keith Foulke. Hey, it worked with Frank Thomas. But unless Billy Beane pulls A-Rod from his ass, the A’s will be lucky to win 75 games this season.
6. Marin County Little League All-Stars: These guys are stacked with some of the best 12 year olds in the state. I wouldn’t be surprised if they made it all the way to Williamsport.
7. San Francisco Giants: It’s going to be a long season in city by the bay. Anyone who disagrees is most likely intoxicated.
Aaron Rowand, who was the fifth offensive option in Philly, will be the lone bright spot in the otherwise abysmal offensive vortex of mediocrity. Unless, of course, you think aging veterans Dave Roberts, Rich Aurilia, Randy Winn, and Omar Vizquel are all due for career seasons. And if you believe that, I say have another drink, my friend.
The good news for Giants fans is they have two of the most promising starting pitchers in the league with Matt Cain and Tim Lincecum. Throw in Barry Zito, Noah Lowry, and Kevin Correia and you have a pretty good starting staff. But because of their anemic offense, bullpen from hell, and an incredibly tough NL West, the Giants could have triple digits in the L column by season’s end. .
If you’re anything like me, your name is Matt Toomey and you just bought the domain name http://www.tradejuanpierreforabagofgranola.com/ (and .org)
1. The Los Angeles Angles of Anaheim, Pomona, Laguna Beach and western Riverside County. I didn’t make that up, the Angels are expanding their hostile takeover beyond the friendly streets of Anaheim. Season ticket holders can vouch for me.
The Angels are the team to beat in the AL West. Did they overpay for Tori Hunter? Of course, but at least they didn’t overpay for Juan Pierre. Their starting staff is solid with Jon Garland, Kelvim “Don’t call me Pablo” Escobar, John Lackey, and Jared “Call me Jeff and I’ll kill you’re first born” Weaver.
Offensively, they should be fine, though with the addition of Hunter, they have a surplus of outfielders. Since Garret Anderson is old and past his prime, the Giants will probably trade for him and sign him to a long term extension.
2. The Los Angeles Dodgers. I had a dream the other night that the Dodgers traded Juan Pierre for a bag of granola. Unfortunately it was only a dream.
If Juan Pierre would miraculously disappear, the Dodgers are the best team in the National League. Bold statement, I know, but L.A. already has three solid outfielders in Andruw Jones, Andre Ethier, and future MVP Matt Kemp. The problem is, Pierre is in the second year of a 5 year/$44 million contract which makes him virtually untradable and a tough pill to swallow for Dodger management if Torre sits him on the bench.
The complaints about Pierre are well-known: he doesn’t walk, can’t hit, throws like a girl, and drops a lot of fly balls. Other than that he was a steal for $44 million. The DailyNews mentioned he has an incredible work ethic and is a really nice guy. So is my gardener, but I don’t want him playing left field for the Dodgers either.
3. San Diego Padres. The Padres, like the Dodgers, could be very dangerous in the crowded NL West. But just like L.A., they have a lot of question marks. The signing of Mark Prior, Randy Wolf, and Jim Edmonds could payoff big if they stay healthy. But that’s a big if since in recent years they’ve all been about as healthy as an asthmatic child with polio.
What the Pads definitely have going for them are rising stars Adrian Gonzales, Kevin Kouzmanoff, and Khalil Greene--as well as consistent arms Chris Young, Greg Maddux, and the best pitcher in baseball not named Johan, Jake Peavy.
4. Seattle Mariners: On paper, Seattle should compete with the Angels. A year ago they had the 10th ranked pitching staff in the AL and that should greatly improve with the off-season pick-ups of Erik Bedard and Carlos Silva. Plus, Jeff Weaver won’t be throwing batting practice to opposing teams anymore. Offensively, they didn’t improve themselves this Winter, but if Richie Sexson can hit his weight…well, he’d still be only be hitting .237. But that’s 32 points higher than last year and he should regain his power stroke this season.
5. Oakland A’s: Billy Beane gets more bang for his buck than any other GM out there—and I’m not just talking about the ho’s in the 510. But, as with last year, the A’s are still in rebuilding mode which they hope to turn into full-on domination mode by the time their new stadium is built.
If Rich Harden stays off the DL, they have a pretty good one-two punch in him and Joe Blanton, but after that it’s slim pickin’s. I hear Jeff Weaver is still available. My guess is they’ll trade Blanton by mid-season for a couple of good prospects and continue the rebuilding process.
As usual the A’s picked up a couple former all-stars from the scrapheap for dirt cheap—Mike Sweeney and Keith Foulke. Hey, it worked with Frank Thomas. But unless Billy Beane pulls A-Rod from his ass, the A’s will be lucky to win 75 games this season.
6. Marin County Little League All-Stars: These guys are stacked with some of the best 12 year olds in the state. I wouldn’t be surprised if they made it all the way to Williamsport.
7. San Francisco Giants: It’s going to be a long season in city by the bay. Anyone who disagrees is most likely intoxicated.
Aaron Rowand, who was the fifth offensive option in Philly, will be the lone bright spot in the otherwise abysmal offensive vortex of mediocrity. Unless, of course, you think aging veterans Dave Roberts, Rich Aurilia, Randy Winn, and Omar Vizquel are all due for career seasons. And if you believe that, I say have another drink, my friend.
The good news for Giants fans is they have two of the most promising starting pitchers in the league with Matt Cain and Tim Lincecum. Throw in Barry Zito, Noah Lowry, and Kevin Correia and you have a pretty good starting staff. But because of their anemic offense, bullpen from hell, and an incredibly tough NL West, the Giants could have triple digits in the L column by season’s end. .
If you’re anything like me, your name is Matt Toomey and you just bought the domain name http://www.tradejuanpierreforabagofgranola.com/ (and .org)
Friday, March 7, 2008
Back From Hiatus
So... I just bought a new macbook for myself, and have discovered the most amazing new applications called WIDGETS. Sure, I sound completely out-dated, I know. You're probably saying "duh, welcome to the twenty-first century!" but seriously guys, this computer is amazing.
So yeah, back to my widgets. I have been keeping fairly current with Spring Training, thanks to the widget I downloaded that gives me baseball scores across the entire day, inning by inning, starting pitchers, etc. It's awesome. Now if only I had the money to afford gameday... I'm working on it!
As far as Spring Training goes, I find the game scores quite humorous. I mean seriously, look who is leading the American League. Tampa Bay? wtf? Come on now. And Boston has lost 4 of their 7 games? Whoa. So in my estimation, scores aren't the important part here.
So what are we supposed to be looking at right now? PLAYER STATS. A total wealth of information there. Lets look at this a bit, shall we?
Johan Santana
This guy was a headliner basically all Winter on the trading front. The Mets finally landed him, after runs by both Boston and the other New York team, which wasn't all THAT much of a surprise. After two starts this Spring Training session, his ERA is now 7.20, having pitched five innings, and yielded 6 hits, 4 earned runs, one of which was a home run, while fanning 5 and walking 1. His win-loss record is currently 0-0. And sure, this is only the beginning now, and not exactly a full indication of what his season will be like. However, by those stats, not nearly as impressive as I think people really expected. But still, as far as his year goes, I believe he will benefit from the move as much as the team will. Hopefully for the Mets, this will stabilize their year after such a disappointment at the end of 2007.
Miguel Cabrera
Aside from Santana, Cabrera was another big story of the winter trade talks. Many believed either the Angels or Dodgers would end up being the frontrunners for him, which they were for a good duration of the talks. However, in a last surprising move, Cabrera, along with Dontrelle "D-Train" Willis, Detroit made the most appealing and successful bid. So far, the third basemen has played a total of 7 games during this Spring Training, totalling 18 at bats. He has 3 hits, 1 run, 2 RBIs and has struck out once, batting an average of .167 with an equal on-base percentage, and a slugging percentage of a non-impressive .222. If this is any indication of what his year will be like, not good. But in reality, I believe the Tigers may be a team to watch this season, regardless of the stats now.
Dontrelle Willis
To follow up on teammates, D-Train has had much better stats so far. He has started 2 games, pitching 5 innings, and his ERA is currently a healthy 1.80. He has yielded 5 hits, but only one earned run, a homerun, and has only walked one batter while striking out 4. Not bad, not bad at all. I'll be keeping an eye on him this season for sure. I mean come on, the guy is D-Train!
Orlando Cabrera
Coming off a career year, this trade really baffled, and still baffles, quite a few people. In reality, it may benefit the needs of each team, depending mostly on who and how the Angels decide to replace Cabrera with at shortstop. His stats so far are not very impressive as of yet, plying 5 games and 15 at-bats, only hitting an average of .200 with 3 hits, 1 run, 2 RBIs, and 2 strike-outs. But knowing Cabrera like I do having watched him play his game every single day as an Angel, the White Sox will get their money's worth.
John Garland
For Cabrera, the Angels got Garland, who has been highly criticized by his stat count for the 2007 season. however, the Angels' staff as highly praised him, and assured their decision. As far as his Spring Training so far, Garland has started his first game in uniform (set to start again tomorrow), pitched 2 innings, gave up 2 hits, no runs, no bases-on-balls, and has struck out 1, leaving his ERA at a solid 0.00. Good first start, but hardly enough yet to really get a sense of his game. Tomorrow's game may help to stabilize some results. So as far as my assessment of him, I currently abstain.
Torii Hunter
Now this guy, whoa. I was totally stunned at the acquisition of this guy on free agency, especially just following the Angels' first year of a five-year contract with Gary Matthews Jr, who really wasn't a failure of the season. So another center fielder?Definitely a strange move to me. But let's take a look at this guy as of Spring Training: games - 5, at-bats - 12, hits - 8, runs - 6 (4 of which were doubles, 2 triples, and a home run), RBIs - 6, strike outs - 1, walks - 1, avg - .667, obp - .692, slg - 1.583. Granted it's very early, but wow. Those are some really awesome number. I'm, certainly, impressed. And if this is ANY indication of his season, I can't wait, and I'm totally on-board about his signing. Welcome to LAA Hunter!
And that's just a look at some of the more talked about moves from Winter. There are a ton of things going on in Spring training, and I'm anxious to see what comes of it by the end of this month. I can't wait for the games to begin. It's so exciting I can't even contain it
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Those excluded from the Mitchell report
I know the time to analyze and breakdown the Mitchell report has long passed, but I still have some thoughts concerning this ground-breaking document that I would like to share. Instead of discussing those included in the report, the whole time it was being covered I was hoping that those excluded from the report would be discussed. That also brings up another point, instead of pointing out ballplayers who may have taken steroids or HGH or whatever, they should have released a report that told us the players who, without a shred of doubt, never took steroids. It probably would have taken less time and would have given a ton of guys legitimate excuses as to why their numbers were so bad or even give them the ability to make the case that they are better than they're given credit for. But I digress. There should have been more time spent on talking about guys people were surprised weren't in the report. Of course this would be bordering on slander and defamation, but fun nonetheless. Then that idea got me to thinking. What about all the non baseball players who you thought were always on steroids, but because their respective associations didn't launch a poorly planned investigation that wasted an egregious amount of time and money, the American people lost a great opportunity to unfairly throw them under the bus based on mere speculation. I mean isn't that what the American media is all about?
So without further adieu, here are my top 5 most notable Mitchell report exclusions;
1. 50 Cent- Rapper; One of the more obvious I would say. I mean come on look at the guy. He puts out a multi platinum selling album at just about the same time Barry Bonds is hitting splash hit after splash hit. Coincidence? I think not. Plus, as has been well chronicled, the man survived 9 gun shot wounds. You mean to tell me he did this without the use of HGH? I find that very hard to believe.
2. Any current or former American Gladiator- Yea, like they weren't using. Dudes are HUGE. The women too. I've never understood though, why do you have to use steroids to operate that tennis ball gun, seems like I could do that.
3. Wesley Snipes in Blade 1 and 2- Have you seen this movie!? He's a karate master who can jump off buildings and run like a cheetah. Oh and by the way, he kills friggin vampires! But I mean, if you're fighting vampires I guess I can look the other way while Brian McNamee shoots your buttocks with "B12 vitamins." Plus the fact that he's a vampire himself, but he can survive in sunlight gives you the impression that he's almost literally a vampire on steroids.
4. Hannah Montana- We needed a female in this list. The fact that she is so successful is almost reason enough at this point for me to include her. Also, if you ever hear her talk on her show (not that I have, everyday at 4:30 on channel 55 or anything...) she kind of has a man voice. Other than that, just call it a hunch.
5. Bill O'Reilly- The man has an enormous head. Its truly large, think smallish pumpkin with less capacity for judgment and a slightly larger vocabulary. Also he has been prone to fits of anger and often is seen yelling at his guests. Can you say roide-rage? Really though, I just don't like the guy and have been looking for a way to smear his name. Oh wait did I just say that out loud?
So there you have it! Im more than willing to hear more ideas supported by made up evidence and biased speculation about others who were unfairly excluded.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Spring Happenings
Nationals outfielder, Elijah Dukes, is ready to turn over a new leaf. Uh…wait a minute…actually, in a recent interview the 23 year old said, “from now on you'll probably get a chance to see what the real Elijah Dukes is like.” So, I’m a little confused. Is the real Elijah Dukes the guy who’s been arrested 6 times in 7 years--or, is the real Elijah Dukes the one who left his estranged wife a voice mail last year threatening to kill her kids? Did I mention that her kids are also his kids? Oops.
With all the steroid news lately, I was glad to see Bret Boone finally come clean…for having a drinking problem?? Boone, attempting a comeback with the Nationals, told http://www.mlb.com/ that it got so bad he would drink 12 to 15 beers after a game. “For me, it was an alcohol thing,” Boone said. No, really? I thought the 12-pack you drank every night was so your kids could make money recycling the cans.
Reigning homerun champ and Brewers first baseman, Prince Fielder, has gone vegetarian. According to The Griddle, the 300lb slugger read the book “Skinny Bitch in the Kitch: Kick-Ass Recipes for Hungry Girls Who Want to Stop Cooking Crap (and Start Looking Hot!)” Uh…Prince, is there something else you want to tell us?
While we’re on the topic of hot fat dudes, why won’t anyone sign David Wells?
Word from the Mets camp is that even with the addition of Johan Santana, Pedro Martinez still considers himself the ace of the staff. I’ll remember that in October when Johan wins the Cy Young and Pedro spends 3 months on the DL.
Cardinals Manager, Tony LaRussa, refuses to believe that Mark McGuire used performance-enhancing drugs. This is the same guy who bats his pitchers in the #8 spot, had a recent DUI, and wore a mullet until 2004.
Ok…I just can’t let it go. The best thing about Elijah Dukes is that in 2003 he was the father of two children born eight days apart. Horrific labor for the mother? Or two different baby mama’s? You know the answer….
If you’re anything like me, your name is Matt Toomey and you ate 3 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast today.
With all the steroid news lately, I was glad to see Bret Boone finally come clean…for having a drinking problem?? Boone, attempting a comeback with the Nationals, told http://www.mlb.com/ that it got so bad he would drink 12 to 15 beers after a game. “For me, it was an alcohol thing,” Boone said. No, really? I thought the 12-pack you drank every night was so your kids could make money recycling the cans.
Reigning homerun champ and Brewers first baseman, Prince Fielder, has gone vegetarian. According to The Griddle, the 300lb slugger read the book “Skinny Bitch in the Kitch: Kick-Ass Recipes for Hungry Girls Who Want to Stop Cooking Crap (and Start Looking Hot!)” Uh…Prince, is there something else you want to tell us?
While we’re on the topic of hot fat dudes, why won’t anyone sign David Wells?
Word from the Mets camp is that even with the addition of Johan Santana, Pedro Martinez still considers himself the ace of the staff. I’ll remember that in October when Johan wins the Cy Young and Pedro spends 3 months on the DL.
Cardinals Manager, Tony LaRussa, refuses to believe that Mark McGuire used performance-enhancing drugs. This is the same guy who bats his pitchers in the #8 spot, had a recent DUI, and wore a mullet until 2004.
Ok…I just can’t let it go. The best thing about Elijah Dukes is that in 2003 he was the father of two children born eight days apart. Horrific labor for the mother? Or two different baby mama’s? You know the answer….
If you’re anything like me, your name is Matt Toomey and you ate 3 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast today.
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